


a flower for the sun

by WowSuga



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Hanahaki Disease, Love, M/M, Unrequited Love, and published it like that, like I just wrote it in one go, sorry - Freeform, unedited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2018-08-27
Packaged: 2019-07-03 11:16:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15817794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WowSuga/pseuds/WowSuga
Summary: Renjun falls in love but hates everything about it.





	a flower for the sun

His lungs burnt.

He gasped for air, his throat sore and tight, tears escaping through his partly open eyes. 

“Renjun!” Jeno banged his fist repeatedly on the door. “Are you okay?”

Renjun panics, momentarily freezing before remembering that he locked the bathroom door. Struggling to exhale, Renjun asks himself, _Am I? Am I okay?_

It was clear. It was clear to him and to anyone who could see him in that moment. But no one, he promised himself, no one, will ever see him like that. Pathetic, sitting on the floor of the bathroom, eyes full of tears, heartbroken over the fact that Donghyuck doesn’t love him. At least, not in the way he’d like to be loved.

“Yeah.” Renjun replies hoarsely and out of breath. “I’m good. Just felt a bit sick.”

He’s not sure that Jeno would buy his petty excuse but sighs with relief when Jeno mutters a little ‘okay’ and starts walking away.

Renjun looked at the floor. He made a mess. Blood splattered all over the floor. Flower petals surrounds him and taunts him. Tells him how much of a fool he is. Falling for a person that could never love him back. Falling for someone who’s already happy.

But he’ll manage. He always does. In the end he always cleans up after himself. 

A sickening feeling rises up his throat. He gags and grabs the toilet bowl. But it doesn’t come out. He’s tempted to force himself, but his head pounded and all his strength was gone. 

Sighing shakily, he holds one of the yellow petals between his fingers. It’s ironic how beautiful death could be. He lets out a soft, pitiful laugh. If only his past self could see himself now. Grabbing the sink, Renjun tries to pull his upper body up and holds onto it, trying his best to make the room stop shaking around him. 

His reflection showed a different person from the photos he’d see on the internet. That person that his fans would see was a confident and bright eyed person who loved to smile. But the person he sees right now, was someone suffering, someone just waiting for his demise. He shakes his head and wipes his tears. 

So he starts to clean up. He starts picking up all the flower petals and flushes them away. He wipes any trace of blood that could be seen. Throws away anything that might be suspicious.

Renjun isn’t stupid. He knows if one of the members find out, all hell would break loose. They’d worry about him constantly, and he’ll be forced to tell them. Tell them about how he slowly fell for Donghyuck. How he slowly fell for his best friend. He doesn’t want to ruin anything. He doesn’t want to ruin his friendship with Haechan and especially not the future of his group. The future of NCT as a whole.

He remembers the time he first saw the petals coming out of his mouth. He knew. He knew what had happened but he refused to believe it. He couldn’t. 

“Daffodils.” He read out loud and continued to read the remaining text on the website. “Daffodils are a flower of beauty, one with the apt meaning of unanswered love.”

He sobbed his heart out that day. He turned on the showers and just let himself cry. Since then it’s been a routine. Every day, after practice, after a performance, when they’d finally get away from all the cameras, he’d rush to the bathroom. A different excuse each time, and never forgetting to lock the door. He’d scratch his throat, stick his fingers down his throat, just to get it all out. Seeing his own blood doesn’t scare him anymore. It’s been almost four weeks. 

But it’s been getting harder to cough it all up. The petals were getting larger and his lungs felt more and more suffocated. 

He walks back to the room he shares with Jeno and Jisung. Putting on a smile, he turns to them and tells them good night. Once he lays down, the tears start falling again. And he turns to his side where they cannot see and cries himself to sleep. If Jisung and Jeno hears him, they don’t ask. And Renjun is quite thankful for that.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is completely unedited and I somehow just felt like writing an Angsty story so please forgive me :D


End file.
